Oops. I swallowed some glass.

I know, I know. A stupid thing to do. But in my defense, it wasn’t intentional!

I came home from work, feeling kind of sticky and gross from the Tube, and I decided that a nice cold Smirnoff Ice would be perfect for some refreshment. Yum, right?

But no! I was thwarted!  Our only bottle opener is attached to Alex’s keychain, which is Montreal. With Alex.  Hmmmmm.   Not to be denied, I started searching the apartment for any item that could function like a bottle opener.  And I quickly found this:

I know, it’s a can opener.  But can opener and bottle opener are suspiciously similar, no?  I mean, they both have “opener” in them, and cans and bottles are practically the same thing, right?  So in my perfectly logical state of mind, I begin prying the bottle top off with the can opener. And a few moments later …  Success!

The bottle is open!  I take a big swig, but notice something funny sliding down my throat. (This signifcantly dampens my enjoyment of the swig, by the way.)  I peer down at the glass…. and say to myself…..  “What ho?! There appears to be a chip of glass missing from the top of the bottle!”

It’s hard to get a picture of the giant, gaping hole along the rim. Here’s another shot looking down from the top. You can see it on the right side edge.  It appears that in my enthusiastic application of the can opener, I may have damaged the bottle. Oops.

So the possibilities are that A) I swallowed it; or B) I just imagined swallowing it and it really fell on the counter or floor somewhere.  I did sweep up, but I didn’t find anything.

Now, of course, trying to do something constructive in my current situation, I start googling “What happens when you eat glass” and “Accidently swallowed glass” … and let’s just say that Mr. Google provided some enlightening but not very helpful results.

The general internet opinion (which I trust implicitly) seems to be based in two camps. 1) I will die a horrifying and painful death while the glass slowly lacerates my intestines.  Or 2) Nothing will happen. I will be fine.

I did find a site where a guy recommended eating bread or potatoes, in the hopes that soft and mushy food will mold around the glass and somewhat protect your insides. So I used this as a medical excuse to have grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner. Totally legit, I swear.

And now I’m sitting here, trying to decide if I feel any pain. Have you ever tried to do that? Because as soon as you start thinking about whether or not something is painful, I guarantee that place will immediately become painful. So how do I know if the pain is real, or in my head?

This is a question I’ve often asked, actually. What happens when a hypochondriac is actually sick. I mean, it must happen occasionally, right? There are a lot of hypochondriacs out there (hi guys!), but once in a while one of them must come down with a legitimate illness. How do they know if it’s real, or if they’re just imagining it again?

I guess the fact that I’ve been sitting here now for about 2 hours looking up google images of “lacerated intestine” answers our question. (Be thankful I didn’t post those pics!)  So far no bleeding.  I think pain can be phantom, but actual blood is pretty hard to imagine.

I think I’ll be okay. Updates to come, of course, if I’m not. 😉


Posted on 21/06/2010, in Foodie adventures and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 7 Comments.

  1. I hope you’re alright. Keep posting! I guess most of what you may have swallowed was rounded. Hopefully not too sharp on the edge.

    If it makes you feel any better, one time, I thought I inhaled a popcorn kernel into my lungs. I spent all night lying down upside down off the edge of the bed, trying to cough it up. I didn’t die of pneumonia or anything, so I guess I didn’t really inhale it.

    If you need to pass the time while you wait to see if you’re okay, you ought to go buy a bottle opener. 🙂 But I guess it’s probably too late there tonight.

  2. Hey hon,
    I’m glad to hear that you’re doing okay. I’m sorry that our call was short…I was in the middle of a meeting with another one of the fellows….not that I don’t love you!

    Keep me posted!


  3. Hope you’re ok. Think you need to make margaritas instead! :-).

  4. How’s the bottle of Smirnoff ?? Ha ha ha

  5. I hope you are sleeping comfortably now. When you awake, do not worry. The body is an amazing creation and, if needed, nature will take of you. Now I know what to get you for your birthday! Seriously, keep us posted. We are thinking smooth sailing for you. Love, Valerie

  1. Pingback: 2010 in review « Change Here…

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